She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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