Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
