Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
