did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
