Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
