so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
