How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
