But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
