Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
