and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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