his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
