we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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