I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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