Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
