what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
