I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found the puke drawer
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
