I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
