If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
