when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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