My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
