If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
