Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
