I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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