i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
