Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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