Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
