The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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