pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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