We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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