why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i think im in europe. pls send help
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
