First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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