My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
