Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Someone signed my nipple.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
