first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
