My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
