She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
