He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
