I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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