Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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