oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
