3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
