This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
