im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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