something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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