Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
