would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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