Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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