I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
