I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
