Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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