Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I died a long time ago.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
