If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
