I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
