yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
