I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
